When we were little kids, my brother, sister and I would rush into my parents’ bedroom on Sunday mornings and jump into their bed. I would always notice my mother already awake and just laying there, looking up at the ceiling. Thinking. I would always wonder what she was thinking about. And when I was old enough, I remember asking her. She would say, “Your father, your brother, sister and you, our family, work etc.”
As a mother now, I get it.
A lot of my quiet thoughts are worrying about little things, or wishing I could do some things over. . if I had yelled or raised my voice at the girls that day, if I had said something unkind to my husband, if I had said something that might have been misunderstood to someone else. Or thinking about my family and friends and stuff they are going through. Suffering. Painful situations.
But tomorrow is a new day and I’d like to think that each new day brings hope.
Thank God we get the chance to do things better or set things straight. Or apologize. Or hope. And as a mother, I know – unfortunately- there will always be days I want to do over and I’m going to lose my temper or patience. And there will certainly be days where I am not my best self. No where near my best self. But I just have to keep going and try to do better. Try to have more patience.
Paul is in Madison and comes home on Friday. I’ve been at home with the kids solo for a month. It’s no excuse really but I have been loosing my temper more, taking more naps and hugging them and telling them I love them more. This is after I get upset. Still working on this.
The next few weeks are going to be crazy-town USA. We are finally moving and I am just praying for a smooth transition for the girls. I guess my quiet moments, when I’m laying in bed or sitting on the couch by myself late at night, will always be filled with thoughts of my family and my girls. And I often wonder what they think about sometimes. When I catch them staring out the window or sitting quietly.
For them, I hope it’s still just pretty flowers, cupcakes, Barbies, rainbows and butterflies.